Takers and Givers

I was talking to my friend "Bill" the other day listening to the litany of "terrible and devastating" things going on in his life. I yawned! I wasn't bored, I was disinterested!

See, the first two or three times I listened to this litany I was horrified, I was flabbergasted, I was seriously concerned and worried about his survival and the survival of his family. However, it didn't long to realize that each of these catastrophes was created by bad decisions my friend had made and continued to make.

Let's go back in time a few years. First, he had been stuck in a job where he was't getting promoted and it seemed like newer folks to the organization kept being promoted over him. His Bosses were idiots, unethical, unprincipled idiots - and besides that, they weren't fair! Then he got fired.

He was able to land another job very quickly; but in short order, it became obvious that his new bosses were just as bad as his old bosses. It seemed like an incredible bunch of bad luck - a black cloud had come over him like the little guy in the old Little Abner comic strip. The harder he "tried", the worse it got.

Now, I've worked for idiots. I've worked for lazy leaders that couldn't lead, managers that couldn't manage and supervisors that couldn't supervise; so I could identify with him. I guess I was slow but I bought his stories hook line and sinker. I had known Bill for years, we had "come up together" - we were pals.

Then one day, another friend of mine had an opening at his company. I had known "Jim" for a long time and had worked with him - this could be a marriage made in heaven I thought. So I called Bill, he interviewed and bingo got the job. For about six months everything was wonderful, but at the end of the first six months Bill started calling me to complain about Jim. That is when I started smelling a rat in the rutabagas. Do you remember the scene in The Wizard of Oz when Toto pulls back the curtain and we learn that the Great Wizard Oz was just a man manipulating machines?

Well, that's what happened that day to Bill and me. Then, because I would no longer "side" with him in his battles, he began attacking me. Because I knew Jim well enough to know that Bill's complaints had no foundation in reality, it became Bill against everyone - just as it had really always been.

Once I could "see behind the curtain" it all fell into place and made sense. Bill lost his jobs. Why? Because he was a jerk who thought he knew more than his boss and wasn't afraid to tell his boss that fact. Bill did not get promoted. Why? Because he was long on ideas, but short on doing what was necessary to get those ideas working.

No matter where he worked or what he did, there were always problems that began surfacing at about the six month mark. Why? It took folks about six months to "see behind the curtain". Bill did not have problems, Bill was the problem. I've known a lot of folks like Bill, but now they are easier to spot - thanks to Bill. I call these type of people "Takers".

Here are some tips on how to spot Takers and keep them from impacting your life:
If someone is having a problem, chances are it's the other person who is at fault. If that person has a problem with everyone - chances are THEY are THE problem.

If a person complains all the time, it is not that their life is so bad - they just like complaining.
Soap operas are for TV, not real life.

There are smart people, but there are also smart people who believe their own BS to the point they have become stupid. I call this the Rule of Ego.

Most folks belong to an organization, a fraternity, a church because they wish to be a part and contribute. Takers join an organization, fraternity or church because they want to benefit from that association.

Takers take. When they do give - you never hear the end of it. Like someone said, "He'll give ya the shirt off his back and remind ya of it every day."

Takers have to be the center of attention.

Takers are usually poor listeners, because they are already thinking about what they are going to say next.

They are great thinkers, but lousy doers.

They can figure out what's wrong. But fixing it? That is something they would rather delegate to someone else - "less important than them" to handle.

Being a Taker is not restricted to a gender, a profession, a race or an ethnic origin; although I have identified one profession that seems to attract them - Politics.

Takers are often bullies, but it is not the threat of physical harm they use. They try to intimidate you with emotion or the power of their genius. Usually, they don't have the courage for a direct confrontation.

Now, here are some ways to tell that you are NOT a Taker:

When you're knocked down, do you get up?

When faced with problems do you start with "What should I change in me?" rather than "How can I change them?"

You listened and understood President Kennedy when he said, "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."

When the National Anthem is played, you stop talking, you stand and place your hand over your heart.

At a funeral, you are respectful.

When a funeral passes on the highway, you pull over out of respect - even when you don't have to.
You believe that challenges and difficulties - not TV- forge character.

You rather see kids on the play ground than playing Wii.

You are smart enough to realize what you don't know, and are humble enough to ask for help when it is needed.

When you're screwed over, you operate under the dictate that "Living well, really is the best revenge."

Someone once said "You can't appreciate happiness unless you have been unhappy. You can't recognize love unless you have been hated. You must have turmoil to understand peace and tranquility. You must be alone to appreciate a friend. You must be lost to be found."

You must have a "Taker" every now and then to remind you to be a "Giver".